THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL HAS AN AGENDA

You have likely met a person who has one cause they feel obligated to promote or defend at every available conversational juncture, no matter how shoehorned. It is possible you are this person; if so, we still love you and just want you to be able to talk about a TV show or a book or a restaurant you visited in addition to your primary ideal. That passion is admirable, in some ways, and almost always comes from a good place. These people aren't trying to ruin social situations. They truly believe their cause will make the world a better one. There you are, just discussing your plans to knock down that kitchen wall to open up the space and give the dining room a better flow. You said kitchen, and that's where food is prepared, and that's all it takes for the person with a cause to launch into their stump speech about buying organic.

Bret Bielema is one of these people, and he really really wants you to know about the dangers of the hurry-up no-huddle. Does former Wisconsin linebacker Chris Borland's retirement after one season in the NFL have anything to do with the pace of college offenses? No, but Bret Bielema wants you to consider how much damage the HUNH can inflict and tell you about a study he read about hurry-up players getting the equivalent of five more games. (We haven't seen that study, but the math is roughly correct on its face - Maryland's offense would have needed about four more games at its pace to run as many plays as Baylor did. Though maybe the answer is to require all offenses to be as bad on third down as Maryland was.)

Does Bret Bielema ever propose any alternative measure of player safety other than slowing down HUNH offenses? Like, maybe, eliminating a game from the schedule where teams schedule cupcakes like UT-Martin? Or proposing rule changes like the Pac-12 has implemented regarding contact during in-season practices? No, because that is not part of the Thing Bret Bielema Feels Very Strongly About.

Maybe we're horrible, unfeeling monsters for ignoring Bielema's oft-repeated pleas. Or maybe we're choosing to ignore a solution that, as far as we can tell, would only make people feel better about the safety of football without actually making it safer. And maybe Bret Bielema would be better off if he found a few additional player health-related proposals that actually required him to do something differently.

But really, all we want is for Bret to just learn time and place. Not everything's connected to the ominous dangers of the hurry-up, buddy. Just let us talk about the Oscar films we didn't see already.