LET'S LOOK AT AUBURN'S NEW VIDEO BOARD

Like a fresh flatscreen jammed into the ricketiest of trailers, Auburn has slapped what will be the nation's largest videoboard atop the rustic joints of Jordan-Hare Stadium. We could just rattle off the numbers, but thankfully we don't just settle for press releases at EDSBS. We provide creative illustrations, because we want you to understand just how massive this thing will truly be.

The new video board, per Auburn athletics, will be 435 percent bigger than the old board. It crashes into frame at 190 feet by 57 feet, and will dent the books at a cost of $3.5 million. (For a comparison we will all understand here: that's the initial total investment cost for almost SEVEN Zaxby's!)

The sheer size of Auburn's new monster makes it the nation's largest college scoreboard, even bigger than the Godzillatron in DKR in Austin.

When fully powered, the scoreboard will generate enough ambient heat to toast bread at a distance of two feet from its surface. To combat this heating, the pipes for the stadium plumbing are run through the scoreboard, thus cooling the scoreboard and ensuring that the energy from the scoreboard's tremendous display are not wasted.

We kid! They're just going to let that giant bastard blaze millions of unredeemed kilowatt hours into the night because this is America.

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The board also surpasses the Texas A&M scoreboard, the previous size champion in the SEC. Doesn't that make you think they're poor? Just ashamedly, wretchedly poor, like dirty farmers continually humiliated in a fruitless search for respectability? Like they're driven not even by their own value, but only the unhappiness of their natural betters? And that even the simplest of these false happinesses is temporary at best, and that even running away from their problems wouldn't make them feel as good as admitting their natural inferiority? Auburn beat you to a redneck prestige item. How does that feel, Aggie? How?

The Longhorn Network is now available nationwide. Call your cable provider for more information.

OH VERY FUNNY YOU DICKS VERY FUCKING FUNNY--