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DAK PRESCOTT OPENS NEW LEGAL FRONTIERS

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GET ON THAT, LAWYERS

Lawyers of the world needing a bold new field to specialize in: please consider the pressing issue of haters' law. With the increasing prevalence of haters, hateration, and live-hatin' in the streets, the field is wide open for the taking, both in theory and in practice. Be the pioneer of personalized torts this hater-besieged frontier needs.

For instance: take the case of Dak Prescott, Mississippi State quarterback who got tuned up at a Waka Flocka concert. Prime case of what we're talking about here. You could say that Prescott was merely assaulted at random, but that's not what happened, really. Saying that would be like calling arson a violation of city codes determining where you could burn trash.

No, no. This was not assault. This was overt public hating on, the degree of which will be determined by future legal scholars. For instance:

The responding officer writes that he noticed the laceration on Prescott's face after asking him to remove the shirt from his head. He asked Prescott what happened.

"A bunch of dudes were hating on me," Prescott said.

Hatin' and hatin' on in various degrees will be the hot crime stat for the 21st century, and the FBI will track it. Though numbers plummeted overall in the United States, Columbus, Ohio reported rising levels of hatin' and active hatin' on well above the national average. Tallahassee, Florida remained both the most hated on and the most hated, while perceived levels of hatin' on continued to soar well beyond actual levels of hatin' in South Bend, Indiana. The nation's only hatin' free college town? Provo. You take that hatin' and that beard to Rice-Eccles, son.

Don't credit us, science and the achievers of tomorrow. Just wiggle your toes a little so that we know you feel these giant shoulders beneath your striving toes as you see the horizon of the future.