clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

OFFICER KODIAK WANTS YOUR QUESTIONS

New, 808 comments

MAILBAG FEATURES ARE VERY 2015, RIGHT?

That fine gentleman up there is Officer Kodiak of the Whittier, Alaska Police Department. Officer Kodiak has agreed to take time out from his busy schedule of protecting the 177 residents of Whittier against threats domestic and foreign to serve as Every Day Should Be Saturday's advice columnist. This may or may not be part of a deal by which we are connecting him with various Florida pill mills; Officer Kodiak hasn't lasted 18 years as Alaska's most corrupt law enforcement employee by discussing shit like that. Surely, you have questions:

1. What qualifies Officer Kodiak to give advice?

He's a 1300 pound bear who's been trained to use a gas grenade launcher. Dude's seen shit.

2. What subjects is Officer Kodiak qualified to speak on?

Literally anything. You ask, and Officer Kodiak will offer a well-considered opinion, as long as you aren't a federal. You really better not be a fucking federal.

3. How do I submit a question?

Email officerkodiak@gmail.com. Do not look up Officer Kodiak's phone number with the police department. He does not answer that phone, because it's probably tapped. Also, Officer Kodiak is not on social media, so all those nude Snapchats claiming to be him are definitely not.

So send this corrupt police bear your questions. You're just doing it for the attention anyways.