Please, sit down. Relax. Watch this mashup of science b-roll and old football calls we put together. Breathe. Let go of your Purdue animosity, and embrace Zen Friday.
Purdue University's only really committed three sins. First, it's located in West Lafayette, which describes itself as "award-winning" as follows:
You should be proud of your ability to deal with sewage, West Lafayette. You should also find a second thing to be good at.
Second, Purdue is the home of Purdue Pete.
Purdue Pete is a 1940s Disney character with locked-in syndrome. His face is neither terrifying nor inspiring; it is forever stuck in a position that says "yes, cream of mushroom soup will be fine." Purdue Pete's hammer and hard hat remind us that, after the football is over, there is work to be done. Back-breaking, miserable work.
Third, Purdue is very bad at football. The Boilermakers have not gone over .500 in Big Ten play since 2006. Since Joe Tiller retired at the end of the 2008 season, Purdue has a losing record against Notre Dame, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Ohio State, Michigan State, Michigan, Iowa, Northwestern, Penn State, and Nebraska.
But that's it. Purdue has not done anything else to earn our collective ire and disdain beyond these three offenses. There are no easy solutions to these problems. City development in 2015 is an incredibly daunting challenge, rebuilding a football team amidst the general rising tide of the Big Ten is an uphill climb, and the prophecy says Purdue Pete won't die until we find and shatter the Executioner's Amethyst.
Look, they're trying. Darrell Hazell came to Purdue with Big Ten references and (checks notes) one good season at Kent State! They continue to recruit, despite not having a lot of luck in that department! Purdue football always shows up to the away games to which they are assigned! On time!
Maybe things will change. Maybe Purdue will find its next Drew Brees and start making life miserable for Big Ten powerhouses. And maybe Purdue will remain the doormat 80% of the conference schedules as a homecoming opponent. Either way, let's try to remember: Purdue's doing their best, and they're doing it while winning awards for dealing with poop.