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INSPECTING WILL MUSCHAMP'S RESIDENCE

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GOOD NEWS: NO TERMITES

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Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Will Muschamp's house in Gainesville recently got put on the market, though I'm still not entirely convinced he won't wind up coaching Florida next year. That's just how psychological scars work. Nonetheless, we feel it's important that potential buyers know what they're getting into should they purchase this property, so we've conducted a thorough inspection of the premises.

- ASKING PRICE

$1.8 million, though Muschamp bought the property in 2011 for $1.775. Admittedly, that's a modest bump you could attribute to the economy's recovery over the last few years. But do you trust that anything Will Muschamp controlled in that time period is really better off than it was before? No. No you don't. Offer him $945,000.

- ARCHITECTURE

Whatever that is in the ceiling there? 100% chance Will Muschamp thinks it's the sun, and he's going to charge you extra for it.

- FURNISHINGS

"What a nice bar area," you're thinking. "Those stools are so interesting," you remark. Incorrect. Those are laundry hampers, and they are full of very old, very smelly clothing, because Will Muschamp is deathly afraid of the washing machine. (Or, as he calls it, "DOCTOR RUMBLES.")

- WALL ART

Wait, who is that shoeless child? Is that one of Muschamp's kids? Or is this some sort of reverse Picture of Dorian Gray where Will gets angrier and angrier and Portrait Will becomes more childlike and happy?

- ENTERTAINMENT

It only took a few muriatic acid incidents for Will Muschamp's family to learn you should call it "billiards" and not "pool."

Frozen is wildly popular and won a major award. It must have been baffling to Will Muschamp to go from tape of his Florida teams to this.

- HEATING

ahahahaha we paid millions of dollars to a man who thought having a fireplace in central fucking florida was smart and classy and not a huge waste of time and resources