GAMEDAY INTERVIEWS NEW TALENT

As you may have heard, ESPN announced last week that, after 25 years helming College GameDay, Chris Fowler would be stepping aside to focus on announcing prime-time games, with Rece Davis slated to fill his morning seat.  That's not the only change in store, however; with Lee Corso advancing in years, they've quietly interviewed other on-air talent.

Today, they meet with Kyle, from your office.

PRODUCER: Looking at your resume, I see a solid middle-management profile, you're proficient in Microsoft Office, that's always nice, but I'm not entirely clear what you would bring to College Gameday. Can you elaborate on your skills?

KYLE: [bad accent] If you're looking for money, there is none. What I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills that make me a nightmare for people like-

PRODUCER: Oh, you're that guy.

KYLE: I'm the guy behind the guy behind the guy.

PRODUCER:  [wearily] We've got to stop letting Simmons review resumes. You know what? You're here, let's just get on with a screen test.

KYLE: WELL, GET ON WITH IT, MUTHA- [mouths gunshot noises for 20 seconds] AHHH I'M STRINGER BELL AND I'M DEAD. Haha, do you watch The Wire?

PRODUCER: That show ended seven years ago, Kyle.

KYLE: DUDE, SPOILERS.

PRODUCER: Let's have you and Rece run through some recruiting news.

RECE DAVIS: Hi, Kyle, it's a pleasure to meet you.

KYLE: REESE'S PIECES. Haha, E.T. You guys seen it?

RECE: [undeterred] So, the 2015 recruiting classes are mostly set, and in addition to recent playoff powers like Alabama, Florida State and Ohio State, a very strong class was put together by Tennessee. Do you think this mean Butch Jones is going to have the Vols back in SEC title contention soon?

KYLE: SSSSSSSSSSMOKEY.

RECE: Pardon me?

KYLE: The dog, the dog's name is Smokey. He wears a little coat. *singing* Faaaat guy in a little coooooat; fat guuuuy in a little coat.

PRODUCER: Kyle, we need you to dial it in a bit.

KYLE, suddenly wearing a 1960s costume: Are you saying you want me to-

PRODUCER: NO, I am not -

KYLE: OH, BEHAVE!

PRODUCER: This still isn't worse than Bayless's interview. He yelled at my necktie for an hour.

RECE: Moving on, it was a big surprise last week when four-star wideout Cordell Broadus committed to UCLA, despite the longtime USC fandom of his father, Calvin, better known as rapp-

KYLE: SNOOP. SNOOP A LOOP. C'MON WE'RE GOING STREAKING. BRING YOUR HAT.

PRODUCER: Kyle, for god's sake.

KYLE: It's from Old School.

PRODUCER: We know.

KYLE: Have you seen it?

PRODUCER: Everyone has.

KYLE: YOU'RE MY BOY, BLUE

RECE: [unfazed] The Western Michigan program was rocked recently by allegations made regarding the personal life of head coach P.J. Fleck, and-

KYLE, in Borat voice: MY WIIIIIIIIIIFE

PRODUCER: Actually, that's pretty much all we need on that topic.

RECE: Moving to the Big Ten, James Franklin's hoping for an immediate contribution from homegrown running back talent Andre Robinson, who-

KYLE, in perfect Wallace Shawn imitation: I was beginning to realize that the only way to make this evening bearable would be to ask Andre a few questions. Asking questions always relaxes me. In fact, I sometimes think that my secret profession is that I'm a private investigator, a detective. I always enjoy finding out about people. Even if they are in absolute agony, I always find it very interesting.

RECE, PRODUCER: [silent, stunned]

KYLE: My Dinner With Andre.

PRODUCER: ...I was not expecting th-

KYLE: NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION

PRODUCER, on phone: Hey, FOX? Yeah, it's Jerry in Bristol. Was wondering if you guys can use another body on the NFL pregame desk. He'll talk circles around Bradshaw.