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OPEN THREAD, THIRD SHIFT

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LET'S FINISH THIS, SHALL WE?

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

Because the college football powers are brilliant and infallible and apparently sincerely concerned that you all watch Florida's defensive odometer roll past 200,000 miles while the offense looks at the gearshift and asks "so do you kick this or..." the Pac-12, Big Ten, and ACC Championships are all going to take place simultaneously in just a bit. On the other hand, this scheduling plan means if UNC or Michigan State starts losing badly*, you have other options! Hooray!

But what if all three games get lopsided and boring? Consider the following alternatives:

AMC, 7:00-10:30. Armageddon's on and ready to remind you that only one thing stands between humanity and the destruction of Earth: the oil industry.

FOOD NETWORK, 9:00-10:00. It's an all college student episode of Chopped, which means you might get to see somebody ask Marcus Samuelsson how long it takes for Easy Mac to turn bad. (The answer is never, and that is why you should acquire pallets of Easy Mac now, for it will be the only currency recognized after the collapse of the global economy.)

TBS, 8:30-9:00. If you like a man being paid to yell incoherently at strangers in games where the concept of winning and losing is more of a gag than a goal, Billy On The Street will satisfy you until Will Muschamp gets hired at South Carolina.

SPIKE, 8:00-10:00. COPS is on. This is line one of the description.

Deputies are shocked when they recognize a repeat offender.

Damn, the Will Muschamp push is REALLY going strong.