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THE CURIOUS INDEX WAKES UP AT THE CRACK OF NOON

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LOOK AT BUTCH JONES, HE'S SO HAPPY HE'S GRIMACING

John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

THE BOWL PREVIEW IS HERE. IT CONTAINS ALL THE BOWLS, EVEN THE CURE BOWL, THE GAME MOST CLOSELY APPROXIMATING THE NAME OF A FICTIONAL BOWL WHERE DEMENTED SCIENTISTS RELEASE A RESIDENT EVIL-TYPE VIRUS TO DESTROY HUMANITY. OF COURSE WE'RE SENDING SOMEONE TO IT, JUST IN CASE WE'RE RIGHT.

TENNESSEE ISN'T BEING OVEREAGER AT ALL. Win eight games at Tennessee and you can make $4 million a year. This statement is now accurate and verified, and we applaud Tennessee for being so forward-thinking they've rewarded Butch Jones for games he hasn't even won yet.

YOU HAVEN'T PAID UP UNTIL DABO DANCES ON YOUR DESK AND THEY MAKE A VINE OUT OF IT. North Carolina's governor must be an expert politician as he a.) complained about procedure in the Clemson/North Carolina ACC Championship matchup, and b.) still abided by the terms of the act as written by lawmakers who hammered out this football-related deal.

BERT, THE GREAT BOARDING HOUSE KEEPER OF THE SEC WEST. Bielema has had some unreal assistant turnover on his staff at Arkansas. This is either a byproduct of the SEC's perpetual war for coaching resources, or because Bret Bielema wanders the Arkansas offices nude because "this is The Natural State, right?" It's probably the first, but do not rule out the second, ever.

SO YOU'RE SAYING TO BET ON ARIZONA. Because Scooby Wright AND Anu Solomon will be back for the New Mexico Bowl.

THIS SEEMS LIKE ENORMOUS FUN IN THE MAKING. Ian points out that the Clemson/Oklahoma game is actually really interesting from a schematics point of view, particularly when you look at how Oklahoma will account for Deshaun Watson in the run game.

ETC: Go undefeated in the regular season once and suddenly everyone in Iowa is way, way too turnt for their own good. Oh, good, the Bitter Southerner has compiled the best 25 southern albums of 2015, and you can catch up and listen to all of them like you'd been keeping pace all along. That? Oh yeah. Heard it in MARCH.