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THE CURIOUS INDEX IS ONLY DOING THIS ONCE

IT'S HAPPENING AND WE KINDLY ASK THAT YOU DON'T BRING IT UP

By Ryan Nanni
Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

DALVIN COOK GOT SNUBBED. Look, it's fine that Dalvin Cook didn't win the Heisman - he had fairly pedestrian outings against Boston College and Georgia Tech (though the latter was partly due to an injury that kept him out of the Syracuse game) and 19 total touchdowns probably isn't enough to vault you into first place this year. But look at the full ballot numbers and try to explain SEVENTH place.

47 voters put Cook on their ballot. If you've forgotten, there are over 900 Heisman voters, which means only five percent or so put him in their top three. Dalvin Cook was paired with a passing attack that scored as many touchdowns as Rice, Pitt, and Old Dominion. (Which was still better than Florida did, so.) And he still led the ACC in rushing yards, yards per rushing attempt, and rushing touchdowns. By comparison, Clemson's Wayne Gallman got to play with a Heisman finalist, got 30 more carries than Cook, and didn't come anywhere close to matching Cook's numbers. And, for the record, I am not the only one who believes Dalvin Cook should have finished higher.

See, FSU fans? We're not wholly incapable of saying positive things about your team. (And also, yes, you shouldn't get upset about awards but we need content so too bad.)

HE DID WHAT NOW? Robert Nkemdiche fell 15 feet out of a hotel room window he'd apparently broken and he's mostly fine? I have no idea what's going on here and I feel fairly certain that whatever official version of events gets settled upon will make no sense and leave plenty of room for rumormongering and irresponsible speculation.

PENN STATE HAS A NEW OC. It's former Fordham head coach Joe Moorhead, and his main qualifications are:

1. Organizing a Fordham offense that finished ninth in FCS in points per game scored and seventh in yards per play, and

2. Not being John Donovan. (This one was crucial.)

CONGRATULATIONS, LOUISIANA. You're apparently the unhealthiest state! Florida finished 33rd, though apparently one of the strengths in favor of the Sunshine State was "fewer deaths due to drug abuse," which I read to mean "Floridians are slowly becoming immune to all poisons."