HATIN' ASS SPURRIER'S LEGENDS OF THE ALMOST LOST TO TEMPLE

Well, they aren't the Pacifist Irish.

Y'all think Coach Gordon Ramsay's gonna get Notre Dame a Michelin star this year?

Brian Kelly says he didn't lose his cool on the sidelines. Judgin' by that haircut, I'd say he didn't have any in the first place.

What has the initials BK and will let you have it your way?

Not the first time a bunch of Irish dudes have punched an owl on a Philly Saturday night. Won't be the last, either.

Hope Notre Dame doesn't have Angkor Wat A&M on the schedule next year.

Don't be surprised they sacked Temple. They are ROMAN Catholics.

I call Pitt the Reverse Medusa because they turn to stone once people start lookin' at em.

Flatten that many mountaineers and John Krakauer will write a book about you, TCU.

Tell Stanford that football's not the ACT. You can't score only 30 against Wazzu and just take it again.

Don't sleep on Iowa. Their schedule's so soft you'll fuck up your back.

Texas Tech gave up 28 points in a quarter. They're like "Twitter's Stock Price, The Team."

On the other hand, Oklahoma State put up 28 in a quarter before Russell Westbrook did. Surprising, that's all.

Don't know why ladies think Kliff Kingsbury is all that attractive. He's never bringing the D with him.

Gus Malzahn wants to run a drug-free team, and sure enough those boys won't be getting near a bowl.

So much for JT Barrett being the one to finish drives for Ohio State.

Just imagine what Iowa State would do to Oklahoma.

You thought Miami's knee was down and then they ran off. Duke, you're college football's first romantic comedy.

Miami won in a game where things were moved illegally? Huh.

Least Al Golden knows there's an ACC job where you can draw all the wrong conclusions from game tape and not get fired.

A broken clock's right twice a day, so maybe it shoulda been calling plays for Minnesota at the end of the game.

I call Florida State Willy Wonka because they bossed around some orange men this weekend.

I watched Big Ten teams shift too slowly, have trouble with getting pulled over, and get run over by a train. You're a conference AND an elderly pedestrian, Big Ten.

Maybe Nebraska's defense is called the Blackshirts because they're so badly burnt.

Nice guys finish last is a saying, not a requirement, Mike Riley.

Vanderbilt got the real Houston experience: four hours of trying to go anywhere without moving a yard.

That offense really puts the commode in Commodore.

He's called Derek Mason because he puts up bricks.

Some people think it's inappropriate that Charlie Strong cussed out his coaches. You look at that box score and tell me Texas is capable of anything offensive.

What do hope, UCF, and taste all have in common? All of them stayed winless in Cincinnati.

More like Err Down, Arizona.

Don't know why you're surprised by what happened in Jacksonville, UGA fans. You don't hire a Schottenheimer to win big games in an NFL stadium.

The lyrics aren't "glory, glory to modern day Georgia," are they?

A nice man who can't beat a lizard. You're the hero of every Godzilla movie, Mark Richt.

In the new version of Gone With The Wind, Scarlett runs away from you, Georgia.

Somebody musta told Mark Richt TD stands for The Devil.

Brian Schottenheimer must be an XBox man because he sure didn't play Sony much.

Taylor and Callaway got big plays for Florida. UGA football's even ruining golf for Bulldog fans now.

If Gators wear jean shorts, how come Mark Richt's the one with the hot seat?

Bobby Bowden was his mentor, so it's only appropriate to have Jimbo Fisher sizing up Mark Richt's office.

Bauta? Bauta do what?