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THE CURIOUS INDEX DEFENDS THE RIGHTS OF ROOMMATES

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ROOMMATES: BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BLAME SOMEONE FOR HOW MESSY THE KITCHEN IS

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FAREWELL, MYLES JACK. UCLA linebacker (and occasional running back) Myles Jack was already done for the season after getting knee surgery, so it makes sense that he's elected to withdraw from school and spend his time focusing on draft prep. Jack's decision mostly aligns with the general EDSBS philosophy of "you should do what works for you unless it's harming somebody else."

But we do have one lingering question: what happens to his roommate(s)? There are three distinct possibilities, and one of them is wildly unacceptable.

1) Myles Jack pays his share of the remaining lease's rent and moves out. Admittedly, if Jack was living with just one other person, that roommate might feel pretty lonely in a month. Or they might relish the opportunity to live alone, where you can leave your shoes wherever you want and nobody can yell at you. Either way, this roommate isn't getting financially screwed, so it's fine.

2) Myles Jack sticks around. Could be weird, since the roommates will still be doing college stuff and Myles Jack will be doing NFL Draft stuff. So long as Jack takes the recycling out when it's his turn on the chore wheel, though, no complaints.

3) Myles Jack finds a subletter. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. Absolutely not an outcome which we should tolerate as a society. Subletters are a dangerous gamble and only to be forced upon roommates in the most dire of circumstances.

DINO BABERS SAVES LIVES. Bowling Green's head coach and an athletic trainer pulled a lady out of her burning car on the way home from the Buffalo game, because MAC football teams also double as our nation's best and strongest highway safety patrol. (Randy Edsall, meanwhile, is going the wrong way up an exit ramp with his high beams on while playing Snake on his Nokia.)

WE'RE WRONG! The SB Nation Selection Committee is a group of experienced, rational sportswriters who do silly shit like put Northwestern on three of our if-the-season-ended-today playoff ballots because it's fun to imagine a world in which Northwestern makes the Playoff and drives everyone absolutely insane. That Northwestern-Cal national title game is going to change history.

SPACE NEEDED. South Carolina's not sure if they can host LSU this week due to residual flooding issues and is seeking out alternative venues. This is sort of like when you make plans with an acquaintance and then realize you reallllly don't want to spend three hours at dinner with this person, so you "suddenly remember" you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and he asked you to fast so, gosh, I guess we have to reschedule. In this scenario, the acquaintance is Leonard Fournette and the dinner is getting run over repeatedly.

ETC. Mammals are returning to Chernobyl and in five years we'll all be overrun by hyperintelligent mutant wolves that have learned how to use weapons. I SURRENDER, WOLF-MASTERS, AND I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN OFFENDED BY NC STATE'S FOOTBALL EFFORTS.