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Beat a dog like that and they'll make you the starting quarterback for the Falcons, Nick.

If he pisses like he calls plays then I hope Brian Schottenheimer wears galoshes.

Good news, Mark Richt! Read the Bible this morning. Your football team inherits the whole earth.

Saw a guy named Lambert get chased down for a few hours, so congratulations, Georgia; You made a Highlander movie.

Even the Persians didn't sack Athens that hard, Nick.

Give someone an Old Testament beating like that and the hedges in Sanford Stadium should catch fire and start telling you to grab a rock and take notes.

Last time something cut through Georgia like that Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler were running away from it in a buggy.

Last time a bunch of Georgians staggered around moaning like that Rick Grimes started shooting them in the head.

Last time a house got burned down that bad in Georgia, Andre Rison had to call his insurance company.

Last time 22 Georgians got flattened that quickly the roof fell in at a Waffle House.

Lose a fight like that in Georgia and they'll start calling you "Evolution."

Heard Georgia's been trying to steal Tennessee's water. Makes sense. Trying to put out that secondary will take a minute.

Hardest part of explaining the loss to a UGA grad is telling him what 28 over par is in football terms.

Makes sense that Georgia shares a name with the British king who couldn't win the one that mattered.

First time anyone in the history of the state of Alabama ever fought off advancing Chubb.

Alabama's red, can't handle a Freeze, and is fatal to dogs. Y'all are poinsettias, basically.

Ole Miss fans don't believe in vaccinating their children, so of course a quarterback with the flu is gonna beat you.

Beat the Tide but lost to the Gators. Hugh Freeze might be an Olympic swimmer in a Hiaasen novel.

It's okay, Ole Miss. It's a struggle for most people in Mississippi to go 69 yards on the ground, too.

You can see why Florida wanted to hire Freeze, though. Only took him one game to make a Gator QB look great.

What do Ole Miss, bankruptcy, and active warrants for your arrest all have in common? They all make Florida sound like a good idea.

Smart of Ohio State to use the Meth Lab Formation against Indiana - just stand back and let 'em self-detonate.

Worst part is Miami can't even blame Glenn Beck for their bad Golden investment.

I wouldn't worry about Michigan State. Fighting with boilermakers for four hours straight is a Midwestern tradition.

I'm gonna call Texas football Tokyo cause a lizard just flattened it.

Hell, Charlie, even the Falklands were competitive through Week 5.

The difference between UCLA's defense and Eve is the Devil only fooled Eve once.

Always thought Jim Mora was a humble guy. Explains why UCLA always shrinks in the spotlight.

Bob Stoops has a future in casino security. Threw Dana Holgorsen out of the building like a pro.

Course, Oklahoma has a reputation for takin' yardage they're not entitled to.

Dana's a true West Virginian, though. Hospitalized in a wagon accident, then probably out killing bears two weeks later.

For once, Iowa's undefeated in something other than polluted groundwater.

This new economy confuses me. How are jobs like "Snapchat producer" or "Maryland scoreboard operator" real things?

Welp, if there's one fanbase comfortable with the cold misery of zero, it's Minnesotans.

Shame what happened in the Oklahoma State/K-State game. Bill Snyder ain't been screwed like that since he dated Messalina.

Missouri fans haven't cheered that hard for a Lock since John Brown got put in shackles.

Mark Helfrich better watch it. He might work 18 hours a day, but so can 500 Indonesian kids making three dollars a day.

You'd think a NASCAR fan like Frank Beamer would've been able to handle Pitt.

It's a super-churchy place. Probably pretty dumb of Brian Kelly to try and convert in Clemson like that.

Hypocritical of ESPN to cut out Dabo because he was talking about Jesus when they let Craig James show his ass on national TV for years.

LSU had a hard time with EMU, but cut Les some slack. They beat people up in Australia all the time.

Can't wait to see how Boston College responds after losing the first set to Duke 9-7.

Butch Jones blows so many leads he should star in a revival of Glengarry Glen Ross.

Butch Jones works a lead about about as well as Mike Bianchi does. Love ya, Mike!

That explains why Mike Riley loves In 'N Out - he doesn't have the clock management skills to microwave a burrito.

Mike Riley's clock management skills are so bad he moved two time zones over "because he'd always wanted to live in the future."

If Mike Riley were The Terminator he'd time-travel to 1948 to find Carah Sonner.

If Mike Riley were Doc Brown the movie'd just be called "The Future".

If Mike Riley found a Hot Tub Time Machine we'd find him sitting in a toilet in 1978 screaming WHY WON'T IT WORK.

Mike Riley thinks it's just Morris Day.

Mike Riley's in charge of my DNR because I know he won't wait to pull the plug.

Mike Riley needs another year of preschool because you can give him all the time outs in the world and he still won't learn.