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4TH & SHORT, WEEK 5

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THE SCRIPT GETS FLIPPED

[cold open: voiceover]

The 2015 season has reached a critical mass of chaos, and we know less after five weeks than we did after four. Is there a single true title contender? Are the preseason favorites good? Are the rising teams for real?

Hi, everybody: I'm a dog, and my guesses are as good as yours.

This is 4TH & SHORT: WEEK 5

[okay guys this is where we put in that flashy big-budget music video intro I was describing to you, just delete this text after you put it in]

I ALMOST CAUGHT A SQUIRREL TODAY

I have been trying to catch squirrels literally my entire life. I've never even come close. They have better instincts, they're faster than me, and they can climb trees.

I got within six inches of one tonight. Sure, it was mostly a poor gameplan and weak execution on his part, but damned if it wouldn't have been cool. And some guy from Ohio would've had a bloody awful mess on his hands. The squirrel's still gonna be ranked #1 tomorrow, though.

SHORT LEGS, TALL ORDER: Shaq Washington, WR Cincinnati

Obviously I'm biased here, but Cincinnati's 5'9 senior dynamo deserves to be recognized here at least once, and his eight catches for 106 yards in the Bearcats' 34-23 win over the Hurricanes last Thursday night is as good a time as any.

Also, let's pause and embrace how college football is blessed with a wealth of talented Shaqs right now. It's rare you can trace a name trend so obviously to one athlete, but I think we'll see it again in a few years, when the wave of high school recruits named Garrett Gilbert crests.

WAS THAT A POTSHOT AT TEXAS?
Yeah everyone's doin' them, it's great, they don't even put up a fight now

WHAT AM I BEGGING FOR THIS WEEK?

Dutch oven bread. A little short on the rise, but crusty and satisfying. Just like me.

LET'S TALK POLLS

Let's really not.

NO IT SAYS HERE WE HAVE TO

Fine, but I'm gonna work on some things during.

Okay, so Ohio State is still ranked number one in both polls, because despite spending most of the season looking like something I'd try to roll in, no one else has made a *clearly* convincing case for the top spot.

Take away pedigree and preseason expectations, though, and there's some contenders.

Utah's only a couple years removed from the Mountain West, so it may be hard for voters to accept them for the way they're playing. With UCLA's upset loss this weekend, they might be the Pac 12 South frontrunner.

Then there's Texas.

No, god no, not the school. The two-headed pinball-machine-on-tilt of Baylor and TCU. Their video game brand of football's lighting up the box scores, but defensive softness has many wary.

What about Clemson? They gritted out a tough win in a game-long deluge against a very good Notre Dame team. THEY HAD HEART. THEY HAD GUTS. THEY HA-


- OUD OF THEIR EFFORT TONIGHT

But yeah, it's Clemson. We're not gonna trust it 'til we see it, fellas.

Suddenly, though, two teams we've spent the last few years at best ignoring and at worst pitying look like legitimate contenders. FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN ARE CONTENDERS.

You let this happen, America.

We were so happy, everyone but the two head writers of this site and 40% of the readers. (EDITOR'S NOTE: 15%.)

YOU LET THIS HAPPEN.

I'll be in my room.