FAREWELL AND GOOD HEALTH, COACH KILL. Minnesota head coach Jerry Kill is resigning immediately due to health concerns, a sentence which obviously carries a lot of worrisome weight given his public medical history. Details are still forthcoming, but it sounds like his epilepsy symptoms have returned and the medication he's used to manage them had side effects Kill wasn't comfortable with. We're sad to see Jerry Kill go but hope he enjoys many years of improved health with his family.
WE APOLOGIZE FOR THIS TMZ LINK. And whether or not you click it is entirely up to you but, well, they're the ones who reported that Josh Rosen no longer has that hot tub in his room. While it's a shame that an outstanding football player was denied this simple pleasure, we should point out: they can't stop you from turning your room into a ball pit. (They probably can. Make them try anyways.)
LES MILES, SMITHER OF WORDS AND SO FORTH. Brandon Harris and Malachi Dupre helped a woman and her diabetic son after their car got caught in floodwaters, which provides us with an opportunity to a) praise their efforts and b) revel in Les Miles's complete inability to describe things in a normal way.
Apparently the car was consumed by water," Miles said. "She apparently had all of her personal belongings in the car and traveling and ran right into what was a submerged area of water."
He's Google Translate personified.
MAUK-LOCK STANDOFF. Missouri QB Maty Mauk has been reinstated to the team, and will now help the Tigers resume their goal of "score one touchdown, please, just one fucking touchdown is that so much to goddamn ask?" (Mizzou's off this week ahead of a Thursday night game against Mississippi State, so any such touchdown will have to wait a bit. If it even exists. I bet it's a myth we tell Missouri children to give them false hope.)
ETC. THE ANIMALS ARE LEARNING HOW TO PUNT AND THEY WILL COME FOR THE BIG TEN AND SEC BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.