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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER LOVES A GOLDEN PARACHUTE

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THAT'S WHEN YOU PAY A BUNCH OF MONEY TO A LEADER WHO KILLED YOUR STOCK VALUE

Don't feel bad, Jimbo. Lincoln wasn't prepared for the last play, either.

Mizzou is filing a copyright infringement claim on you losing horribly in Atlanta, FSU.

Jimbo says he's running a clean program, and then FSU goes out and steals Bama's signature loss.

ACC overtime games are Terence Malick's most overrated work.

Dragging things out too long without winning? Shoot, I didn't know you did coaching metaphors, Frank Beamer.

Nice of Kyle Whittingham to honor the '84 Russian Olympic team by not showing up in the Coliseum.

Might wanna call yourself the Slims when Stanford's on the field with you, Washington.

Guess I still don't understand FSU's academics. Took eleven Bs and made one L of 'em.

Welp, at least Elian Gonzalez hasn't had the worst home experience in South Florida history anymore.

That Canes job is like a first marriage. There's a lot of cheating, and it never lasts longer than five years.

Al could be beaten into all kinds of bad shapes, so I guess "Golden" was appropriate after all.

Dabo did Miami a favor by keeping his team on the field at halftime. Doubled the Canes attendance on the day. He's a nice man.

Took about ten propeller planes to bring Al Golden down. Even General Westmoreland thinks that's embarrassing.

Most reading Canes fans have done in years, though.

Strange timing, Miami. Most Floridians fire way too early.

UCLA's losing bodies like a discount funeral home.

Congratulations to Bob Stoops for beating something with the name "Texas" in it.

Glad Syracuse is the one with the covered stadium. A dome with a Pitt in it sounds like something OSHA'd shut down in a month or less.

Saw Mike Riley got his handicap down to +2 against Northwestern. Helluva golfer.

Indiana's like an old Volkswagen, they'll let you get up to fifty in just under 12 minutes.

Washington State's on fire right now, but I'm pretty sure we'll figure out they did that for the insurance money.

I bet Kyler Murray won that argument with his coaches, they're short on good points these days.

Texas A&M buries former mascots just outside the end zone, so this offense is really just a powerful tribute.

Last time the Rebels beat someone like that Lincoln hired Grant.

I call Tennessee the above-board massage parlor because they don't do happy endings.

I call Boston College a Russian commuter plane since they're never going more than a hundred yards through the air.

You wanna be at the craps table with Missouri's offense, because there's no way they're rolling a seven.

10-3? Told you Vandy's baseball program was for real.

BYU beat Wagner 70-6. Guess Bronco's more of a Verdi man.

Shocked that a coach relying on the "read" option would have trouble in Arizona. Just shocked.

Guessin' Rutgers got a primetime slot because ABC knew they'd never score a number divisible by two or three.

Maybe Auburn's secondary was trying to keep kosher.

Laugh at the Gators if you want, but at least Florida's paying Will Muschamp not to coach.

Auburn's last in the SEC West, which shows you how seriously Gus Malzahn takes the Beatitudes.

As a retirement gift, I'm not gonna object when George O'Leary tells people he went 3-5.

If GameDay needs help shooting in Philadelphia, they might wanna call Marvin Harrison.