THE CURIOUS INDEX WEARS TWO COSTUMES

BAYLOR BUILT A MACHINE WITH REPLACEABLE PARTS. Eli Whitney of the football world, that Art Briles.

HUSTLE AT ALL TIMES. Jim Harbaugh suggested that children wear two costumes so that they could hit up houses twice, and thus double their candy yield. This comes on the heels of him musing on worms having machine guns. Harbaugh also once won a Lazer Tag game by following a small, slow child around the maze and tagging him as many times as humanly possible in order to attain the highest score. None of this is made up. Nothing about Jim Harbaugh is ever made up, and that's the hardest thing of all to believe about him.

IOWA STATE IS DESPERATE BUT WE DID SAY "IOWA STATE" IN THE MONTH OF OCTOBER SO THAT'S KIND OF REDUNDANT. You have to respect this much about Paul Rhoads: if he's firing people from his staff in October of what is undoubtedly his last season, he has either the faith or delusion that this is not undoubtedly his last season. (But it is, but salute to the notion of fighting to the end and allowing Mark Mangino to take over the South Carolina football program as his his destiny.)

About that.

WOAAHAA AHAAHAAHAAHA HEEEEEEEHEHEEEEEEE OHOHOHOHHOOOOOHOOOO. Ah. 

Ahahahaa. HAAAAAhahahahaaa. WHOOOAAAhaaahadddheheeheehee OOHHHOGOOGOGOGGDDDOFDKLJAHJDFDDSSL

[incoherent snorting and some festive gagging)

AAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHA DO IT AAHAHAAHAAAFEWWFLKGHDDSJLSKjdlaksdhshsls

GO COCKS--

HERE'S WHERE MIAMI IS: They might not be able to hire Mark Stoops away from Kentucky. That's a realistic, reasonable statement in 2015.

ETC: This is so not going to work and we can't wait for the body cam footage. "I don't care where it was, buddy, in Alabama scrap metal is scrap metal and I'm gonna sell it to pay the cable bill cause WWE Raw and freedom ain't free."