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OPEN THREAD, THIRD SHIFT

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YESSIR IT'S TIME FOR YOUR FAVORITE CARNIVAL RIDE

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Stepppp right up, only two tickets to ride Uncle Beamer's Overtime Jalopy! No age, weight, or height minimums to ride, though I am legally required to tell any women who are pregnant or think they may be pregnant the following: God bless, and always remember an ounce of patience is worth a pound of scoldin'.

Moreover, I should warn you: this ride can cause hemophilia, monkeypox, deep vein thrombosis, shingles, ricin poisoning, Bus Driver's Foot, mountain canker, sprained liver, and TMJ. Uncle Beamer's LLC cannot be held liable for any injury you sustain on the Overtime Jalopy, and you agree to waive any claims against us, whether related to this ride or not. That includes the time your found the knob to the side door gnawed clean off and all the power tools in the garage missing, which I had nothing to do with.

Also, Ryobi? Buy something with a decent battery, you cheapskate. Enjoy the ride!