THE CURIOUS INDEX LETS ROBERT NKEMDICHE DO WHAT HE WANTS

LET ROBERT NKEMDICHE DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. The Ole Miss defensive end and elite human still wants to play snaps on offense despite suffering a concussion against Memphis, and despite concerns about the punishment he could take at the position. Here is a list of things we will tell Robert Nkemdiche he cannot do on a football field:

Now that we've gone over those, let Robert Nkemdiche do what he wants, particularly because Ole Miss has been so bad in short yardage rushing situations and also because every single football play involves the risk of injury, and also because Ole Miss having a lead probably reduces the amount of possible defensive snaps he'll have to play on the other side of the ball. You know, the snaps where HE HAS THREE HUNDRED POUND MEN TRYING TO FALL ON HIS LEGS AND CLUB HIM IN THE HEAD.

THE FUMBLE-ABLE OBJECT VERSUS THE BE-PENALTIED FORCE. When Cal and UCLA play it's just as simple as two teams that absolutely love mistakes having not to make them for four quarters.

BRADY HOKE WOULDN'T HAVE PUNTED. Brady Hoke wouldn't have bought that car that you crashed. Brady Hoke thinks letting that tree fall on you house was a bad idea. Brady Hoke is tweeting you with an accurate fact you already know several days after the obvious point. Brady Hoke thinks the easiest way to avoid cavities is to floss every day, duh. Brady Hoke is looking over your shoulder during an exam you bombed and telling you that studying should have helped.

THAT PENN STATE NOTE THO. Every edition is necessary, but TWIS's latest includes the greatest imaginable #B1G complaint ever.

YES WE ADMITTED WE NEEDED A KICKER PUBLICLY WHICH IS MORE THAN NICK SABAN'S EVER DONE RIGHT. Over 200 UF students tried out for the kicking position, including two women. We hope a lady kicker makes it and kicks the game-winner against and undefeated Florida State team to melt #FSUTwitter's soul forever.

WELL MAYBE YOUR STAFF DID SOMETHING TERRIBLE LIKE SERVE OYSTERS IMPROPERLY

@edsbs Hilarious letter from a restaurant that finds Florida fans more well behaved than LSU fans. pic.twitter.com/VQZEfDDsAJ

— Julie Gauthier (@truerjulie) October 22, 2015

THE GLAMOUR, BABY. Fantasy sports hustling sounds so, so sexy.

ETC: This is funny to fifteen people but Christopher Hitchens as a ghost is amazing so we don't care.