HATIN ASS SPURRIER'S BACK

Don't know why y'all were surprised when I left early. I learned it growing up surrounded by Tennessee fans.

I pack it in a couple months early and I'm a quitter. Jim Mora does it and you rank his team number 20.

UCLA got slaughtered so bad by a Christian they might be Huguenots.

All told, Auburn's had worse performances against the boys in blue.

Empathy's a powerful thing, and now West Virginia knows how all those couches feel.

There's something magical about a UF-LSU game at night -- Les Miles is Siegfried, and Florida's Roy.

The way the Gators get fooled by fake kicks, Florida can't ever visit Chinatown.

Real proud of an LSU running back for throwing a punch somewhere other than a parking lot, though.

Figures the school Papa John sponsors has no idea how to handle a Cook.

People say Hugh Freeze is too preachy, but I don't agree with that. Real evangelists get successful conversions.

On the bright side? If you get choked by Memphis like that you get a free Blake Griffin jersey.

If Bill Simmons is really that interested in mismanaging another huge talent stable, I figure there's bout to be a spot open in Athens.

Did you know an anagram for Schottenheimer is "Scheme inert, tho?"

Well, Dana Holgorsen fought a bear and lost Saturday. He also lost to Baylor. Y'all know those are separate things, right?

Bill Snyder ain't been shut out that bad since the Siege of Thessalonica.

Utah's like herpes: undefeated, red, angry, and especially victorious over Arizona State.

You watch Kyle Allen throw 6-6-6 and try to tell me Nick Saban's not the devil?

I'm kidding, of course. I'm just glad someone's throwing touchdowns for Alabama these days.

Alabama turned A&M into an old Depression-era bread line. 22 men and three good quarters between all of 'em.

You might think I was the first coach with a visor to quit on his team midseason. And then Auburn comes on the tv.

You know the difference between Jim McElwain and Jim Webb? One's a weird pink popsicle who got way further this year than we really should've let him and the other one's Jim Webb.

Iowa's just like the phone book: black and yellow, got a bunch of W's, and ignored by anyone who has an Internet connection.

Kentucky lost by a three? Didn't know Christian Laettner had any eligibility left, but lord knows Auburn could use a QB.

Sure, BYU beat Cincy, but if they ate Skyline Chili while they were in town the real winner is whoever sells extra large Mormon underwear in Provo.

Seems like you shouldn't call it The Big House if you can't make it through closing, Michigan.

Now Michigan State fans know what it woulda felt like to get off the UM wait list.

Penn State's offense is so old-school they refuse to score 14 points out of respect for Woodrow Wilson.

Penn State had trouble with a mobile QB? Weird, they usually only have trouble with statues up there.

Y'all think Georgia Tech could win a parent-teacher conference?

At this point, Georgia Tech is just Purdue with neck tats.

Didn't know the triple option at Georgia Tech meant "pick which three games to win."

We're a wedding dress fire away from figuring out Paul Johnson had the wrong idea about what a season of great expectations meant.

Hell, we know you care about your journalism programs, Georgia and Mizzou. Don't mean you gotta turn a football game into a kicker fight.

Can't say I'm impressed by Oregon handing Washington a loss 12 times in a row. Ty Willingham did the same thing in a calendar year.

Frank Beamer finding out that beating an old man in broad daylight is a South Florida tradition.

James Madison couldn't keep the British from burning the White House down, and GameDay still decided he plays better defense than Texas A&M.