Hey, kiddo! Man, you've been growing up so fast lately. I remember when you were barely tall enough to reach the sink, and we'd spend all Saturday talking about how good Nebraska was going to be in the Big Ten. It feels like yesterday! But you're not that little kid anymore, and I know you have some questions about what that means.
Is Iowa undefeated because of something I did?
No! You're a really good kid, and I don't want you to think this is your fault. Sometimes Iowa just has a good year. You're great, and there's nothing you should or could have done differently.
Does an undefeated Iowa mean things are going to be different?
I'll be honest with you: maybe. I know we joke about Kirk Ferentz and Iowa never doing anything with a cake schedule, and everyone picks Wisconsin to win the division. But, well, look who the Hawkeyes have left.
I'd like to tell you Iowa slips up, maybe in that road game against Indiana or in a weird, sloppy loss to Minnesota. I know that's what you want to hear. My job isn't to coddle you, though. It's to get you ready to face the world. A world that, yes, might have an undefeated Iowa team in it.
What do religious texts say about Iowa going 12-0?
Surprisingly little. Some scholars say that's a good thing, and that Iowa finishing the regular season without a loss won't have any major effects on mankind. Others say the silence from Heaven on this topic means undefeated Iowa is a sin so horrifying and staining that the world would almost certainly be subjected to a series of unimaginable plagues and horrors. Ask yourself: how many times did the Hawkeyes lose the year Noah and his family climbed aboard the Ark?
My friends told me Iowa can't beat Ohio State, so it doesn't matter anyways.
The same friends that told you Ohio State couldn't beat Bama? Yeah. Ok, go outside and play. I love you, buddy.