STEVE SPURRIER IS DOING WHAT NOW

Hi, remember how this was a super weird and confounding college football Monday, what with USC firing their head coach less than 24 hours after putting him on indefinite leave and Florida's quarterback getting suspended for a year for failing a PED test? It just got weirder, and not in a fun way: STEVE SPURRIER IS APPARENTLY RETIRING.

Nothing's official yet, which means even if it's true we don't know A) when he's hanging up the visor and B) why. (And yeah, we're realllllly not excited about the possible bad answers to B.) Some of you probably don't feel very strongly about this, because you think Spurrier's getting up there and off his game so it's for the best. Some of you might be happy, barring this being a health issue, because Spurrier has actively made the history of your college football team less pleasant than it could have been.

I'm just fucking bummed. For nearly three decades, Steve Spurrier has made college football so goddamn FUN. He's taken three different moribund programs and brought them to prominence. He's lit up scoreboards and given us a dozen fantastic quotes. He's driven Tennessee, Georgia, Auburn, and Florida State fans insane at various junctures, and if you can't appreciate the torture of one of those groups, what the hell are you even doing watching this sport? He's equal parts stubborn old man and carefree teenage misfit. He's a Heisman winner and part of what might be the worst team in NFL history. He's a legend, but he doesn't want your adoration. He just wants to whip your ass and have a laugh doing it.

So yeah, if he's leaving, I'm gonna miss the hell out of Steve Spurrier. We're not getting another one, and I suspect he knows that.