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THE CURIOUS INDEX ARM WRESTLES POORLY

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THE SPORT THAT TEACHES YOU EVERYTHING ONE NEED KNOW ABOUT THE WORLD, ARM WRESTLING

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

It's good to see that even after disaster strikes, Tennessee fans can lean on the things that have sustained them for years: fatty late night foods and games of strength usually conducted in smoky bars.

Arm wrestling is an art, more than a science, something where a smaller man can easily best a larger one with the proper technique. We learned this watching the World Arm Wrestling League on ESPN2, a fine bit of sports programming teaching the viewer all you need to know about life. For instance:

  • competitors from Missouri seem like nice men who might also have a crawlspace full of bodies,
  • the guys who are into crossfit inevitably lose to someone who looks like they eat at Hardees three times a week
  • the guy who eats at Hardees will win one match in an upset, and then get so winded he flops at the next match against a corrections officer
  • the corrections officer is really, really good at arm wrestling
  • everyone in the crowd supporting the person arm wrestling also looks like they would be good at arm wrestling, too, and also drinking beer and putting car engines into cars using only a rope thrown over a tree branch
  • you should never, ever fuck with any of these people

Also he's tired. That poor man played football for four hours and then had to go arm-wrestle a man while waiting for his steakburger. Now, could he beat him eleven times in a row? That's the real question, YOU SEE. BECAUSE TENNESSEE HAS LOST ELEVEN STRAIGHT GAMES TO FLORIDA IN FOOTBALL. Good afternoon.