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HELP US PUT TOGETHER TEXAS BINGO

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TIME TO MARRY MY FIRST LOVE, GUN

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

We're going to Texas tomorrow for the title game in Dallas. Frisco, Texas to be specific, since the REAL game is happening there, the FCS Championship between North Dakota State and Illinois State. Illinois State has one of the most delightful things in football, a 5'9" running back who weighs two hundred pounds, and who has rushed for over 2,000 yards this season: Marshaun Coprich. Have you hugged your local turbodwarf today? You should

Whatever subnode of the Dallas neurocluster you care to claim, it's home for college football this weekend, and it's rolled out the finest it has to offer: minor earthquakes (a few of 'em!), patches of ice on the road, and the shitty weather everyone forgets Dallas spends avoiding most of winter. The greatest and most abundant crop in the middle of our country from the top to the bottom in winter is the easily harvested jackknifed semi-trailer, and Dallas grows them without effort or thought.

Anyway, we need your help to play a game of Texas bingo, i.e. definitive Texan things one could accomplish in a day of scavenger hunting. A few we have already:

  • Buying a gun in like ten minutes
  • Whataburger something something
  • Marry gun
  • Throw DVD of second season of Friday Night Lights into abandoned mine shaft
  • Find access road next to access road next to access road

So as awesome as that list is, we need help. Suggest your Texan things to do in a single day, and we may do them on video in Dallas.