HATIN' ASS SPURRIER SALTS YOUR SIDEWALK

Jim Mora got mad after taking the victory formation, which he'll never have to worry about doing ever again if he takes that Jets job.

Well they don't call it the Alamo because everyone makes it out alive.

Can't blame BYU. Memphis was temptin' fate when they lined up in wagon train formation.

Going for an ill-advised two at Popeyes is one way to honor Brady Hoke, Central Michigan.

Miami played us tough in the Duck Commander Bowl, but I think they were distracted by the knowledge that you can use a gun to shoot something other than a person.

Figures Virginia Tech wins the Military Bowl. That's an MRE offense if I ever saw one.

Charlie Strong's all about values, so he's got to admire the bargain of only driving two hours to lose by 24 points.

Maybe they should rename it the Russell Book Smart Bowl, Oklahoma.

It's okay, Baylor, Jesus ain't made his comeback yet either.

Go to any major city in Alabama and you'll see they've never handled Urban well.

Ezekiel was a prophet who saw things other people couldn't see, so I guess he must have spotted Alabama's run defense once or twice that night.

Giving up 28 points in a quarter? Pitt's Fortune 500, y'all.

Georgia won the Belk Bowl, but they'll tell everyone the trophy came from Brooks Brothers.

Oh, Bobby Petrino lost a game involving pants? Well, I never.

That's not the first time Dana Holgorsen's given up that much grass under pressure from a shotgun attack in Memphis. Won't be the last, either.

Kind of Rich Brooks to let you borrow that Music City Bowl trophy, Notre Dame.

The only triple option Mississippi State can handle is which sides you get with your chicken fried steak.

I thought the one thing Miss State athletics COULD do was cover a pitch.

Careful, Paul Johnson. Exposing frauds in Miami is a good way to get kidnapped.

For a linebacker by trade Brian Kelly's got a hell of an arm. Put Everett Golson under that bus and on time, right under the back axle.

Last time I saw a Peach stompin' like that, Tommy Bowden was tryin' to make his own wine.

That was a hell of a professional audition Bo Wallace put together, assuming he's trying to be 1998 Mark Wohlers.

Life's cruel. Falcons can't even own the biggest blowout on their home field this year.

Hope Barry Alvarez gave Barry Alvarez a solid bonus for that win.

Lost to Wisconsin, and now Outback has to give out free shrimp. That's how anti-Semitic Auburn is.

Oregon beat FSU by 39 points, or as FSU grads would say, "by many."

Couldn't make it to 30 because of your own bad habits? Well, Jimbo always did love Hank Williams.

You see a blowout loss, but wasting NFL draft picks like that is a great audition for the Cleveland job.

Doesn't matter what the box score says. Florida State's honor court didn't see a single turnover.

If going .500 in Pasadena over two years makes you a dynasty, hell, FSU should hire Rick Neuheisel.

Fetish camming is a major at FSU, so going to California to get spanked by a guy in a duck costume on national TV should be worth some credit hours.

Tithe's only ten percent, Art Briles. Y'aint gotta give away a whole quarter.

Mark Dantonio said Michigan State won because of great chemistry. Thought that was more of a Mizzou thing, but whatever.

Look at your rushing yards this way, Art Briles: if the Cotton Bowl were a golf course, -20'd be the course record.

Iowa's loss to Tennessee was Kirk Ferentz's third worst of the year, right behind that Minnesota game and capital gains tax.

Hawkeyes got so much sunk cost you half expect to find 'em on the Atlantic floor with a bunch of dead Spanish sailors.

With a record of 8-6 I'd say the Washington Huskies had a pretty good year coming out of the bullpen.

Gary Pinkel's like an irregular Scrabble set - eleven W's and a boring-ass afternoon.

Florida's undefeated in 2015? Heck, I bet you're still sticking to your gym plan, too.

Congrats, you beat pirates. You're up to Somalia-level competence, Florida.

Ohio State shut Alabama down like they were a GM plant.

What's the bigger shock to Bama fans, that Nick Saban doesn't own Urban Meyer or the existence of the 13th Amendment?

The Crimson Tide did so poorly on third down you'd think it was an AP course.

Odometer fraud's a real thing, but if you see a Derrick Henry for sale who only averaged 12.2 carries a game, well, that's just the kind of value you get when shopping at Lane Kiffin Motors.

Strange that Nick Saban can't win the bowl game in the Napoleonic Code state.

More like Confederacy of Puntses, Alabama.