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The former USC interim coach, D-line master, recruiting fiend, and noted Lousianan finally, finally comes home to Baton Rouge and oh, ohhhh there's so much to do already. Ed Orgeron's gonna roar into campus in an F-150 Raptor painted yellow and purple tossing cans of Red Bull at the heads of students as he passes. Ed Orgeron's gonna go kiss Mike the Tiger. Taking the lifeforce of the tiger is the first priority! Do that, and he'll curl up in your lap like a housecat every time, and you'll live life as an immortal.

Cookie-dealin' Ed Orgeron returns to LSU along with Kevin Steele, the Alabama linebackers coach, former Baylor coach, and one-time Clemson defensive coordinator. That last turn resulted in the 70-33 Orange Bowl loss to Clemson, which only seems like a disaster if you don't think a score resulting in the Orange Bowl mascot puking in a trash can is a gift to all humankind. We never thanked you for that, Mr. Steele. Our apologies.

Steele is also known for being the most documentedly down-ass coach in the history of college football.

Tyrone Williams, a senior cornerback, was charged in March 1994 with two felonies--unlawful discharge of a firearm and use of a weapon to commit a felony--in connection with a Jan. 30, 1994, shooting. Police say that Williams fired two shots into a car occupied by former New York Jet safety Kevin Porter, who was in town visiting friends. Porter was not hit. After the shooting, but before Williams was charged, then-Nebraska assistant Kevin Steele was given Williams's .22 caliber revolver. Then Steele and Osborne locked the gun in a cabinet.

Charlie Strong won't even let you have a gun, but at LSU? They have a coach who might even hold one for you after the police started investigating you on a felony firearms charge. If you think this won't actually pop up in recruiting along the border of the Sabine River, you would be horrendously naive about how college football recruiting works. Good morning, and welcome to the 280 days or so of offseason. It's off to a melodious start already.