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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER RESPONDS TO WEEK TWO

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NOT MUCH GOING ON? HATIN' ASS SPURRIER DISAGREES

Which one of y'all told Will Muschamp the painted part wasn't lava?

I know it wasn't dominating, but the Gamecocks can call them LEast Carolina now that we gave them an L fair and square.

Ease up there, Oregon. If destroying Michigan State in September was all it took to win a title, John L. Smith would be in the Hall of Fame.

Wait DAMMIT IDAHO GET SOME STANDARDS OVER THERE.

Turns out Mark Richt didn't write that letter to a Clemson fan, which fits with my understanding of education in the state of Georgia.

Mighty polite of you to practice abstinence in front of the home crowd at Notre Dame, Michigan offense. A classy farewell gesture if I do say so myself.

I got a cheer for your team this year, Washington: "GO AWGS"

Tell Georgia fans something was ghostwritten and watch them scream "DADDY I LOVE YOU, AND WHERE'D YOU HIDE THE MONEY" into the spine.

I know Tennessee hasn't played anybody, but 2-0 is better than the old "Kentucky with boats" recruiting pitch.

Houston Nutt seems like a natural for the SMU job, since Arkansans do enjoy screwing a pony or two from time to time.

'Course you gotta pick Snyder over Rhoads. Bill was a grad assistant on the Appian Way.

Don't worry about all those zeroes in the redzone, Stanford. They'll all show up as Bs eventually on the transcript.

No one goes to a private school to fail, is what I'm saying, unless you're June Jones or Derek Mason.

Take Bill Snyder to the Museum of Natural History and he'll just start crying and asking why they dug up all his old dogs' skeletons.

Can't see Dan Guerrero pullin' a stunt like Pat Haden did, mostly 'cause he's only got a candy beeper.

Surprised me to see Alabama beat Florida Atlantic that easily. Nick Saban didn't even have his swimmies on.

Fool you the first time, shame on you. Fool you the second time and you know damn well what's going to happen when you open the door for Mormons, Texas.

Gotta respect what June Jones has done in his career. Lost to Georgia and got blown out in the Sugar Bowl, but never lost the faith of Jeremy Foley.

Michigan State's feeling some type of way right now. (Herpes is an emotion in East Lansing, right?)

I didn't believe the Big Ten had declined. Then I heard Penn State students went wild because they get to go to the Holiday Bowl now.

The good news is business school's only gonna look at your highest score, Michigan.

Now I don't think y'all should all gang up on the Big Ten. Just one of you will do.

Y'all see that Clemson win over South Carolina State? I think Dabo's got a future in selling fake Coach purses.

Purdue's struggling now, but I think they're innovatin' all the same. You never saw football team insurance fraud before this, did you?

Hawkeye football's a lot like Taco Bell - a multimillion dollar enterprise based on the idea that Iowans don't have self-worth.

If this Ohio State line was any weaker, Carl Pelini would go back down to the docks and demand a refund.

Call Frank Beamer the Dayton Dominatrix cause he just got paid to beat some nuts in Ohio.

Call Bo Pelini the cable guy cause he's gonna be there between 9 and 4 and probably smells like smoke.

Call Dan Mullen "civil rights" because he almost lost to Birmingham, too.

Call yourself Jimbo Fisher because you didn't play a football game this week, either, loser.