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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/9/2014

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LET'S ALL KEEP THIS IN PERSPECTIVE AND HEY THERE GOES PERSPECTIVE OUT THE DOOR

Rob Christy-US PRESSWIRE

PENN STATE NOW ELIGIBLE TO NOT MAKE THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF. The NCAA, which still exists for some reason, took advantage of a solid media storm yesterday to quietly announce Penn State was immediately eligble for the postseason, and that a full complement of scholarships would be available for 2015. There is no reasoning behind this, and none needed since the NCAA makes up everything as it goes in the longest documented act of bureaucratic improvisation since the Byzantine Empire.

Penn State fans reacted calmly and rationally.

UNDER, OVER, AROUND, AND THROUGH. The profanity-free Mormon burn is medically one of the worst you can suffer, Texas.

THIS IS A SUCCINCT SUMMARY OF MICHIGAN RIGHT NOW AND FOR MOST OF THE PAST FIVE YEARS. Via Roll Bama Roll's Meltdown Time:

I feel like shit about it but I am done with this program until something changes. They fuck up my life way too often for the happiness it brings.

When Brian's titling posts "I Learned How To Put Myself In A Box A Long Time Ago", the entire Michigan fanbase is already right there with you. (Though they're not the Ohio State fan who said "if they convert this I'm gonna cut my dick off.") (Which, if it's the down we're thinking of, he totally by contract had to do.)

WE FORGOT ONE THING. When the Duck jumped out of the Gameday bus and onto his golden platform, he was wearing this little Burger King crown, and when his flipper clipped the edge of the thing the crown flew off and rolled off into the grass. It's the little details that matter to a professional.

DAMMIT, IOWA. Massive and insanely powerful Iowa LT Brandon Scherff is allegedly having surgery after a knee injury this weekend.

ETC: GO HAWKS.