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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/26/2014

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SORRY DUDE

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

HERE IS ARIZONA STATE'S ENTIRE NIGHT IN ONE MOMENT

Bless your heart, Christian Westerman. That man sacking your quarterback isn't even your assignment, but you're the one the cameras caught looking for dudes who were behind you, and that's why television is a natural match for football: because both are deeply unfair. Arizona State had to replace nine starters on defense this year, and this marked the worst possible moment to show precisely how bad that turnover could look as UCLA scored 62 points, the most Arizona State has ever surrendered in Sun Devil Stadium, and ran the Sun Devils off their own field.

REFRESHING HONESTY IN POSSIBLE NON-HONESTY, JIM MORA. Jim Mora can answer questions honestly or not honestly, but at least he admits it.

LOLOLOLLLLLLLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLLLLLLLLLL. Just ahahahahaa and wooooooohoohohohohooh and aaaahahehehehehheheheheeeeee---

That's going to be plain for all of us to see, but it's also going to be played out over the course of 11 games and we'll see where we are when we get to the end of the season."

OHHHHHH HOHOHOHOHHOH AAHAHAHAAHAH NO STOP AAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA JUST FUCCCKKKK HEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEE---

--OHHHOHOHOHOH AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH HEHEEHEE WOOOOSTOP COUGHING UP BLOOD JUST STOP--

HEY THAT'S NOT GOOD IN ANY SENSE OF THE WORD. The word "embarrassing" pops up a lot when looking at Texas Tech's last ten games, and that includes last night's loss to Oklahoma State in Stillwater.

MORE UNGOOD THINGS. Speaking of supremely fired: Michigan's red zone travails will induce PTSD in anyone who watched Michigan in like, you know, 2013.

THE ONLY BIT OF UNCONDITIONALLY GOOD NEWS IN THIS ENTIRE THING: ESPN basically just made the pilot for "Wives of the SEC," which is the television show we have waited our entire lives for.

ETC: ANDRE 3000 COVER STORY WRITTEN BY ATLIEN LANG WHITAKER GO READ NOW. Adam Jacobi, we have your dance partner.