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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/23/2014

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THE CAKE IS NOT A LIE

Derick E.Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

THE CLANGA IS WHAT YOU'RE TASTING HERE

The bakery at the Starkville Wal-Mart are the real MVPs this week.

THAT'S NOT NICE. Dammit, Jason, we're pretty sure that's a photoshop or something.

"JEFF DRISKEL I WANT TO CUT THE BRAKE LINES ON YOUR FUCKING SCOOTER." So Florida makes a measured, reasonable, and compassionate appearance in this week's "It's Meltdown Time!"

IT'S TIME TO LET SOMEONE ELSE FAIL. It's almost as if Will Muschamp doesn't believe in offense, ever, for any reason, or at least doesn't hold it to the same standards. So sure, let Treon Harris start. A new, exciting variety of failure can't be any worse than the current brand of stale failure, at least until this finally comes to an end sometime in late October.

AGAIN, AT LEAST WE'RE NOT MICHIGAN. Please god confirm we are not Michigan.

THE NASTIEST LOPSIDED RIVALRY IN FOOTBALL. Continue to doubt us, but we will stand by Memphis/Ole Miss as one of the nastiest quarters of rivalry football played every year. Maybe two quarters in a good year for Memphis, or in case of this year, a possible full quarter fight due to Memphis being...good? Memphis is pretty good this year? We'll type that without question marks one minute here, eventually.

IN CASE YOU HAD TOO MUCH GOOD NEWS ABOUT LANE KIFFIN. The universe balances itself daily, you just have to notice it.

RECRUIT THAT BANNER AT MIDDLE LINEBACKER. Got stopping power and endurance to play in the SEC, imho.

ETC. In case you're short on vacation ideas well we have one for you.