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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/2/2014

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PIRATE LES IS ALL TOO FAMILIAR WITH YOUR SEAS OF CHEESE

Jamie Rhodes-USA TODAY Sports

SAIL THE SEAS OF CHEESE AT YOUR OWN RISK, WISCONSIN. Melvin Gordon did have a hip flexor injury limiting his play in the second half of Wisconsin's astonishing 27-24 collapse against LSU, but the physical only explains so much in life.

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You thought the one place you would be safe was on the seas of cheese, Wisconsin. And you were oh so wrong about that.

AL GOLDEN'S SHIRT FILLS WITH HELIUM, SOARS INTO THE DISTANCE. Good morning, Miami football. Remember when a coach could hop atop the Howard Schnellenberger Dade County Recruiting Tank, slam the accelerator down, and hope for at least a national title or two, even with Dennis Erickson or Larry Coker at the helm? When they might not go 1/13 on third down against a Louisville team just breaking in a new offense and defense?

Those were fantastic days, days when one might not openly guess at the exact cost of a coach's wardrobe as a form of critique.

We mean, Dockers are at least $40, easy.

RELEVANT TO GHOSTS OF MIAMI PAST. Larry Coker invented a football team, one that beat the hide off Houston after a long path that included one year of practicing six days a week without playing a single game.

THEY DID MISS A DOMINANT PERFORMANCE AGAINST IDAHO. The three Florida players suspended for the Idaho game will play against Eastern Michigan because Will Muschamp is a hard mean disciplinarian.

DR BO AND MISTER WALLACE. The Numerical uses hard numbers to show what you know already: that Bo Wallace always plays two games, and one of them will make Ole Miss fans want to drink rubbing alcohol. For sheer terror, check out USC's numbers. Yes, that's Cody Kessler at the helm, the same Cody Kessler that played last year.

ETC: It's important to take time out for the important things in life, even when fleeing the police.