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HOW ARE WE FEELING ABOUT THIS GAME: ALABAMA

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COME TO US, EMOTIONS BALL

TODAY I HAVE THE EMOTIONAL BALL AND I AM FEELING LIKE:

[grabs ball]

I FEEL EXCITED WHEN...I get to watch football, especially if it is Florida! That's a great thing.

I FEEL HELPLESS WHEN...I get to watch Florida football, especially when I have watched it any time over the past five years.

I FEEL ANXIOUS WHEN...I watch Florida football, ever.

I FEEL SAD WHEN...I know that i'm going to drive all the way to Alabama only to watch this team take a brick in the teeth again from Alabama, and that I'm going to have to do it alone because no one else is stupid enough to go to this game with me because we are going to lose, and lose badly because this is not a very good football team and the person running it is our Ray Goff/Mike Shula type, and we will just have to fire him sometime in the next four months.

I FEEL USEFUL WHEN...I can make myself laugh watching a blowout. It's really my only purpose in a blowout: to heckle everything equally, and maintain an even keel when the rare superGumpy Bama fan looks at you and says "We don't have no arrests, because we keep ours in line." That's what a dude said to me the last time I went to Bryant-Denny Stadium with a straight face. I think this was shortly after John Brantley was folded into a human paper swan and floated down the river sometime in the third quarter. The other time I went, Tyrone Prothro snapped his leg right in front of me and I almost threw up on my shoes. Forget this, Emotional Ball. There is no way for a Florida fan to feel useful in Tuscaloosa.

I AM EMBARRASSED WHEN...nothing. Nothing Florida does could embarrass me. We went to triple OT against Kentucky last week. This team is a dog that shits in the yard and looks you right in the eye while it does it. It's my fault for looking, because that is what this dog does and will always do. If we punt down 30 on the Alabama 34 I will laugh and probably tweet out pictures of Alabama fans smoking Marlboro Reds in the upper deck.

I FEEL HAPPY WHEN...I listen to UGK, Emotions Ball. Super Tight and Ridin' Dirty are going to get me through this year.

I GET UPSET WHEN...I don't have a ticket. Seriously, hit me up, I don't have a ticket yet.