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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/16/2014

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YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO WIN, OR ALSO LOSE, ARKANSAS STATE

NO SHAME IN THAT, ARKANSAS STATE.

It's a game, and if faking death in the middle of a play isn't explicitly forbidden in the rules, then you gotta fake a death from time to time.

WEST VIRGINIA HAS AN IMPORTANT DEFENSIVE PLAYER SUSPENDED. In other breaking news, West Virginia HAS an important defensive player.

SARKIFFIAN. If you do not read It's Meltdown Time for anything else, please do just for the novel nickname USC fans have given Steve Sarkisian just three games into his tenure as USC's head coach: "Sarkiffian."

YOU'RE WELCOME, BC. BTW, this is how Boston College destroyed USC late in that game, a game that still happened no matter how barely real and plausible it seems. Former Gator Tyler Murphy had an important role in that game. The University of Florida: giving other teams winning quarterbacks since Cam Newton.

BRING YOUR FORMAL COW TO THE BALL THURSDAY NIGHT. Manhattan, Kansas promises to be completely mad by Thursday night, and that is probably underselling it because no one gets more excited for things than a town where not much happens. (See: Auburn, Alabama.) If Auburn does end up losing that game, it can for once experience the ironic reversal of Auburn having to go to the middle of nowhere and getting its ass kicked in a stadium by a barn. (Love, the rest of the SEC.)

NOOOOO SPEEDY. Out for 3-5 with an MCL tear. A football universe without a player named "Speedy" is a poorer one for everyone.

ETC: DREAM FULFILLMENT IS REAL AND IT LIVES IN RUSSIA. I got this I got this and shiiiiiiiiit I don't. This leopard must be stopped at once, if only because he has found a limitless and renewable food supply.