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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER, WEEK THREE

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OHHHHHHHH GEORGIA

I respect Mark Richt's character. Most folks wouldn't be strong enough to tithe away points like that.

Makes sense that AT&T is the official cellphone provider of Georgia football what with all those drops and gaps in coverage.

Well, that's two teams Dabo Swinney didn't adequately prepare to play South Carolina.

With Hutson Mason how sure can we ever really confidently match the "intentional" with the "grounding" there, ref?

The difference between Georgia and England is England's inbred figureheads were alive the last time they won something.

I've seen Georgia fans, and I'll tell you - they're hypocrites when they insist you gotta run more.

Don't know why Dawgs fans are disputin' that 4th and short. You'd think they'd never seen a tap-in before.

That game might be the first time a Georgian was sad at the sight of a chain gang.

Georgia can still get to Atlanta, though. Just take 29 right in from Athens, and buy at ticket at the Georgia Dome.They're available at Gate D and E.

Five carries for 17 yards for Todd Gurley in the fourth quarter? That's the whole comment. I can't do better than that no matter how hard I try.

Heard I've beaten Georgia more than anyone now, but I think I'm still a good ways behind Getting Married Too Early.

If you wanna know why Georgia fans are so passionate about a team that ain't done anything in years, go to a Widespread Panic concert.

If you're playing Georgia Nightmare Bingo, go ahead and mark off the "Losing with a Hunter and a Todd in the backfield " square. If I close your local Zaxby's, this card is full and the game's over.

Georgia was founded as a debtor's colony, so starting a few games down in the standings is only tradition.

A bunch of kids from Boston College won a football game and I don't see their daddies' names anywhere in the box score. That's real big, y'all. Congrats.

More important question though: where's that win put BC in the AL East?

USC rushed for a total twenty yards on Boston College. Well, you didn't expect a group from South Los Angeles to get much space to move in Boston, did you?

Don't feel bad, Vanderbilt. Phil Fulmer's struggled with Mass for decades.

Kirk Ferentz knows it's football and not blackjack, right?

Iowa's a place where you can time travel in cornfields. Guess that's how Kirk Ferentz cashes checks he earned in 2002 with those 2014 results.

Everett Golson is a real redemption story waiting to happen. Just gotta get him to the part where he overcomes being a Notre Dame quarterback.

Missouri's the best team in the SEC East, and Texas A&M's the best in the West, and that's why they need to strengthen the Invasive Species Act.

Can't blame Will Muschamp for going to overtime. He's gotta bank those extra hours while he still can.

Florida's got 2 W's, same number you'll find in the phrase "why, God, why?"

Don't get mad at those officials, either. You can only watch Florida snap the ball so much without gettin sick.

Kentucky lost because of someone not being able to read a clock right, which is appropriate.

Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, the two biggest industries in Kentucky.

Todd Graham gave $500k to Arizona State. Didn't even know they were married, much less getting divorced.

At the rate he's going, Charlie Weis gonna be the all time winningest coach in Kansas history. Two wins a year, that's just another 24 years, Jayhawk fans. God's real, and he doesn't like you at all.

Good news is that Weis can then go take the next job in that career progression: being offensive coordinator at Iowa State.

Tim Beckman said Illinois won if you just looked at the second half, which is why he's writing George W. Bush's biography.

Beating unpaid teenage Volunteers in Oklahoma is usually reserved for election years, but Bob Stoops knows what the locals like.

You know Oklahomans, though. Just tell 'em the quarterback's an abortion clinic or a science class and they'll shut 'em right down every time.

Steve Sarkisian's figured out one way to stop USC from sending bad quarterbacks to the NFL.

You heard Rutgers apologized for how their fans acted at the Penn State game? Makes you realize Miami's doing things right.

Gary Nova threw five interceptions in a single game. That spells out TINTIN TINTIN twice with a NIT left over to pick. That's clever and all, but I don't know if turning every game into a box score word search is gonna put butts in the stands.

"Beat by two Neuheisels" ain't the saddest death in Texas history, but it is the least sexy.

They probably won't admit it, but Alabama fans can't get enough of what Lane Kiffin is doing for them. Then again, you could say the same of oxycontin.

James Franklin's gonna learn that 10 wins in the Big Ten is the same as 8 in the SEC, because Outback Bowl conversion rates are a real sonofabitch.

Nebraska's undefeated, but so's Emory.

Just go ahead and say you beat "FSU," Nebraska. All three fanbases involved won't bother to check a map that doesn't have a Hardee's on it.

Well he ain't named Charlie Smart, is he?