FUN ACTIVITIES BESIDES BIG TEN FOOTBALL

You don't have to watch Big Ten football. I don't have to watch Big Ten football. No one ever has to watch Big Ten football. No one.

Instead of watching Big Ten football, you could write a book, or a screenplay, or a political screed. You could swallow metal objects. You could sleep. You could work on becoming a human burrito.

There are many activities one can take part in when one would like to avoid Big Ten football.  In fact, every activity listed below is significantly more entertaining than Big Ten football! No more Big Ten football! Everyone wins!

Activities like:

1.) Elephantiasis

2.) Third-degree cat throwing

3.) Watching "The Room" and then defending its artistic value to a large group of people

4.) Eating soap

5.) Watching someone else eat soap

6.) Watching a television show in which people watch people eat soap

7.) Combing rug fringe

8.) Taking part in a rug fringe combing competition

9.) Getting arrested for simple assault because maybe you take cheating in rug fringe combing competitions SERIOUSLY, unlike SOME PEOPLE

10.) Baseball

11.) Weather-delayed baseball

12.) Chris Berman talking during weather-delayed baseball*

13.) Wondering about things

14.) Wondering about things like, what would happen if you poked Brady Hoke in the tummy?

15.) Not hard, or anything.

16.) Gently, with the handle of a wooden spoon.

17.) :: poke ::

18.) I'm just saying, we don't know what would happen, and knowing things is pretty much the point of human development.

19.) :: poke ::

20.) Eating.

21.) Eating more.

22.) Eating new things, like Ethiopian food.

23.) Eating even newer things, like glass.

24.) Maybe there's a way to season glass.

25.) I would eat seasoned glass before I would watch Michigan-Notre Dame again.

26.) Especially if it's garlic-seasoned glass.

27.) Mmmm.

28.) Getting your socks wet on purpose and then not doing anything about it.

29.) Walking for a long distance with someone who thinks they know where they're going but don't.

30.) "It should be right around here somewhere."

31.) "It's super close, we're not far."

32.) Sigh.

* I take this one back.