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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 9/11/2014

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IT'S A STORY ABOUT A PIRATE, AND THE VERY SWEATY MAN WHO BECAME HIS HERO

Rob Kinnan-USA TODAY Sports

COMING SOON TO A BOOKST-ARRRR NEAR YOU.

Of all the coaches to write a children's book in theory, Ruffin McNeill would be among the top ten in the "most capable, and would not at all write disturbing, violent life lessons you might not want your children to learn, ever." We don't want to mention specific coaches by name who would write those ill-advised kids books, but "Bob Stoops Kicks An Urchin And Demands Thanks" might lead you in the right direction.

IT'S OKAY TO LIKE BLUEBERRY BAGELS. Easy Call this week features Dan making picks as usual, but also a ranking of bagels, which is cool if you think bread is meant to be anything other than a vector for meat, fat, or sauce. (It's not.)

TAAAIIIIIILLLLLLLLLGATE. The #KaserForHeisman campaign gains momentum.

ZERO CHANCE OF ROCKY TOP IN NORMAN. And that's just fine, since Boomer Sooner combined with Rocky Topwould be the college football Phillip Glass concerto of three hours of mind-numbing tail-chasing repetition unto madness.

RIP, RUN AND SHOOT. Watching June Jones describe how the offense is kind of brilliant, even if you see how it could devolve at the college level to "aw shit, just go get open."

THAT'S AN APPEALING STAT. Vanquish the Foe reminds you that Houston is averaging 342 yards of offense a game so far in 2014. This is also what Taysom Hill is averaging by himself. BYU is going to expel Houston from this realm tonight with extreme prejudice.

PROPERLY BURIED. Jack Cristil, set to rest with a mike in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

ETC: Tony Romo arrives in Breaking Madden at last.