NEITHER UCF NOR PENN STATE IS A VOLCANO

This volcano that might cancel the UCF-Penn State game in Ireland is, frankly, total bullshit. Natural disasters should have the decency to align themselves with the programs with which they have the most in common, and neither team qualifies here.

Do we have to do EVERYTHING for you, Earth? FINE. Please adhere to the following matchup guidelines for any and all future catastrophes.

Fire: Purdue

Flood: Tennessee

Air Crash: Louisville

Tornado: Washington State

Earthquake: Georgia Tech

Monster: Arkansas

Hurricane: Miami

Meltdown: Oklahoma State

Rioters: Michigan

Microwave: West Virginia

Volcano: Florida

Toxic Spill: Pitt