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HOW TO COLLEGE FOOTBALL GRIEVE: A GUIDE

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LET YOURSELF HEAL THE RIGHT WAY

Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

It totally sucks that Braxton Miller is likely to miss all of the 2014 season. Primarily for him, obviously, but also for his teammates and, yes, it sucks for you, Ohio State fan. You're going to get through this, though, because you are a college football fan and there is a way we do this.

1. Mutter the Holy Oath of Football Toughness, "next man up." In this sport, you don't dwell on what might have been in a healthier timeline, you turn to the next option and embrace it. That is why you had your braces removed by a grocery store cashier when your orthodontist was out of town. Did it hurt? Yes, but your teeth mostly sort of look fine in the right light.

2. Reaffirm your belief in the team above all else. This is Ohio State, dammit, and it doesn't need any one player to be great! You can beat Michigan without Braxton Miller! You can beat Purdue without any players at all! That's not even an exaggeration!

3. Find every positive angle on the backup who will be taking the injured starter's place. Watch high school video, read old recruiting rankings, spread a rumor on a message board that the backup is actually the better player but the coaches just didn't want to tip their hand. Start a second account on that message board and say that you heard the same thing. Use the phrase "secret weapon."

4. Indulge in some brief doomsday scenario exploration. The loss of the quarterback forces the offense to rely more on the running game. The running game can't handle the additional attention, putting more pressure on the defense. The defense is exhausted and pissed off by Week 5. They take it out on the special teams unit. The punter experiences a nervous breakdown and tries to smuggle the ball out of the country. He just wants the ball to live free from the government agents coming after it, man.

5. Recognize that the doomsday you have concocted is highly unlikely to happen. It's just one injury, and they probably won't pile up. You might lose to a talented conference opponent or two, but things won't spiral out of control. A national title may no longer be up for grabs, but you'll still make a good bowl game. Why would you miss a bowl game entirely? Don't be absurd. You'll definitely win more than four games.

6. Oh no. Oh no no no no no no no.

7. Michigan State should have been the favorite anyways.