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1985 was a very long time ago.

Denny Green, looking like Denny Green.
Denny Green, looking like Denny Green.

To understand our future, we must remember our past. Here is a commercial for the Big Ten from 1985.

1.) "Big Ten football is exciting, competitive AND entertaining!" In 1985, Ohio State lost to Wisconsin at home with a final score of 12-7. Gonna need you to cite your sources on that one, sir. Oh, you're basing this on attendance figures? Okay.

2.) Did you know that Denny Green was Northwestern's coach in 1985? They went 3-8.

3.) There is literally no footage of college life in the 1980s that does not feel like it was shot during the Revolutionary War. Was there a "make shit look like hell" filter for Polaroids? People should have just tried to make everything look like the Animotion video for "Obsession".

4.) Whoa there, Brutus. Save something for the after party.

5.) Big Ten men's basketball was and will always be just teams beating the absolute shit out of one another in conference.

6.) Northwestern did this in the 1985-86 basketball season.

7.) Northwestern is atrocious at basketball.

8.) I just thought that that should be noted.

9.) "Ever improving women's basketball!" That's the compliment floor. There's really nothing underneath that.

10.) Hockey and wrestling, or "two sports many people do not care about but the Big Ten does and maybe the Big Ten cares a little too much and should go sit down for a while."

11.) Microscopes!

12.) A woman wearing a scalloped polo shirt under a sweater looking at something!

13.) An MRI unit I would absolutely never go inside of!

14.) "Bearded guy! You forgot this important folder!"

15.) Walking on the quad!

16.) Graduating!

17.) They're "ready to meet today's challenges," which in 1986 were "shit, guys, we gotta get home, I can't miss Simon & Simon!"

18.) No, I have no memory of the 1980s.

(via Eleven Warriors)