clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:



Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Oh, look, an email.


1. We don't know if this is Hobson's Choice. Hobson's choice is named after Thomas Hobson, a dick of a stable owner who would offer customers only one horse in one particular stall, or none at all. The choice is between something or nothing, not a something or a something. As bad as Will Muschamp has been, he is decidedly a something, and so is Brady Hoke. We are wearing a huge red Kool-Aid Man suit and #wellactuallying the hell out of this, but you have to have some definitions straight here.

2. This suit is very hot. We have no idea how half the internet wears it all the time.

3. So maybe this is just ShittyTradesman's Choice. Muschamp is 22-16 and falling with terminal velocity towards a dismal final season at Florida, provided his saving throw of hiring a new offensive coordinator does not generate the modest amount of offense he needs to win. Name the last heroic offensive coordinator hire that saved someone's job for longer than a year or two. Gene Chizik is having mid-morning coffee right now, and not in a football office. Worse still for his prospects are offensive recruits refusing Florida despite playing at positions the Gator offense, even in its weakened offensive state, would happily use. You can't blame them: offensive talent now enters Florida with stars and leaves as UFAs or worse, with the last offensive player selected in the first round coming with the selection of Mike Pouncey in the 2011 draft. The defense is still very good. Florida can fairly and honestly advertise itself as Virginia Tech with mosquitoes.

4. Hoke stands at 26-13, but that number's fluffy thanks to the Big Ten's recent mediocrity, and is also heavily backloaded. Part of the real angst around Hoke is that slide down the win ladder from 11 to 8 to 7 last year. The recruiting, for what it's worth, hasn't been bad. Okay: it has not been Rich Rodriguez-recruiting-defensive-players bad, at least. He does share a few things in common with Muschamp. One is a dismal record against ranked opponents. Hoke is 3-7 against ranked opponents at Michigan, while Muschamp is 4-11 at Florida. Another is losing to rivals consistently, with Hoke going 2-4 against Michigan State and Ohio State, and Muschamp besting him with a 1-5 record against UGA and FSU. Will Muschamp hasn't beaten Georgia once. You can't really type that enough. Will Muschamp hasn't beaten Georgia once. There's also this common bond: the more you see of either coach, well, the more you like them as people, and less as coaches of your football team.

5. So: if you're asking us if we would trade the two, well...sure. They're basically different variations on the same coach, and the numbers probably wouldn't be too much different if you reverse the situations. Losing under Brady Hoke seems like a noble burial at sea, with saluting and gentlemanly clapping. You get subs, and it's amazing. Losing under Will Muschamp is like huffing oven cleaner (the 2011 season), robbing a convenience store successfully (2012) and then realizing oven cleaner will suck up all the oxygen from your lungs and kill you and that there is nothing you can do about it (the 2013 season).  Brady Hoke doesn't put on a headset, and that worries you. Well, just wait for the sheer panic spreading like wildfire when you see Will Muschamp putting one on during an offensive series.

6. Resolved: sure, we'd trade them, if only to alleviate the boredom, and for the same reasons that kids happily switch and share toys in October.  It doesn't matter. We all get new toys in December anyway unless Santa doesn't come to Michigan.