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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL IS MISERABLE

AND POOR

Mike Coppola

Just another beautiful morning in New York City, the most wonderful metropolis in these United Stoooooh god everything is the worst.

(stares out window)

(pays $2600 a month for the privilege of renting that window)

(the window looks out onto a Superfund canal)

(the Superfund canal will one day be floating condos, probably)

(can't afford SuperCondo)

(window rent goes up $500)

Fuck it. I'm moving to Pac-12 Media Days. That looks like the happiest place ever.