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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL IS MISERABLE

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AND POOR

Mike Coppola

Just another beautiful morning in New York City, the most wonderful metropolis in these United Stoooooh god everything is the worst.

(stares out window)

(pays $2600 a month for the privilege of renting that window)

(the window looks out onto a Superfund canal)

(the Superfund canal will one day be floating condos, probably)

(can't afford SuperCondo)

(window rent goes up $500)

Fuck it. I'm moving to Pac-12 Media Days. That looks like the happiest place ever.