THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL MARVELS AT A TIME LORD

On December 22, 1986, Frank Beamer signed a four year contract to coach Virginia Tech football, at the rate of $80,000 a year. (This is not even an inflation trick; in 2014 dollars, that's still only about $173,000.) 28 years later, albeit at a different salary, Beamer is still doing the exact same thing.

His tenure predates any televised form of The Simpsons. It is older than the Canadian Loonie. Frank Beamer has coached Virginia Tech longer than you have been able to buy Michael Jackson's Bad. Only one sitting Supreme Court justice had the same position when Beamer got started in Blacksburg. When Frank Beamer took the Virginia Tech job, the Big Ten had ten teams. The Big 8 was a thing. Emmitt Smith hadn't played a down in college yet. Marshall Faulk wasn't even in high school. The Bluebonnet Bowl was still being played.

The point is this: Frank Beamer exists outside of the erosive powers of time. He has broken the laws of the universe, and he has done it in front of all of us.