UNNECESSARY FRIDAY POWER RANKING: HOTTEST FEDERAL MISDEMEANORS

1. Shanghaiing Sailors

2. Transportation of Water Hyacinths

3. Unauthorized use of words "Coast Guard"

4. Officer permitting escape

5. Violation of packed apples in barrels (the Flo Rida/T-Pain Act)

6. Farm loan bond fraud

7. Presenting false pretenses on the high seas

8. Alteration of wine labels

9. Using Army or Air Force as posse comitatus (see: Kansas vs. Gangbang)

10. Deposit of refuse, etc.; in Lake Michigan near Chicago (this is both euphemism and not)

11. Detaining a seaman's clothing (GO NAVY BEAT NOTRE DAME)

12. Unlawful importation of honeybees. THE SWEETEST STING.

13. Violation of NASA regulations.

14. Control of alien crewman. [probes sexily]

15. Mutilation of national bank obligations

16. Unlawful removal of beer

17. Mailing lottery tickets

18. Violation of Great Lakes Agreement

19. Fences destroyed; livestock entering (see United States v. Ralphie All Hopped Up On PCP)

20. Refusal of inspection and weighing services.