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Biggie vs. Tupac. Jay vs. Nas. Foxy Brown vs. Lil Kim. LL vs. Canibus. It's been a while since we had a good, vicious hip hop beef, but the Universe has provided: J-Frank and DJ Eds-el Spreadsheet are going AT IT. But a beef is only as good as the crews backing each side, so let's break down who the strongest and weakest secondary characters are between Happy Alley Records and Terple Stuff.

Penn State's softest rapper is defensive coordinator Bob Shoop.


Named after one of Salt-n-Pepa's less confrontational tracks. Worked at UVA. Also the safeties coach. This shit is not about safety, Bob. It's about the REALNESS.

You already know that the illest member of Penn State's crew is Herb Hand.

Those young men? GOT SERVED. And they're kids Herb Hand likes and wants to succeed! Imagine how vicious his flow would be on a diss track. Go put your microphone on eBay before Herb melts that shit.

Maryland counters, as you would expect, with Mike Locksley.


Notice you can't see Mike's hands in this photo. This is a word problem that ends up with someone getting karate chopped in the ribs. The rap game isn't all about who can do damage in the recording studio. You need a guy who's ready to go Suge Knight.

The least hip hop Maryland staffer? Inside linebackers coach Keith Dudzinski.


Dude looks like he'd lose a freestyle battle to Teddy Ruxpin.