THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL IS RUINED

We had it all planned out. The blueprints had been reviewed meticulously by a series of engineers, and they'd assured us it would work. The Board of Health had signed off on the project, though not until they'd been "coaxed" extensively. An executive chef was signed up, and we'd arranged for a supplier to provide all our ingredients at a bulk rate.

It was going to be our gift to the people of Texas and Oklahoma, a shining testament to all that they hold near and dear to their hearts. Deep Fried Stadium, home of the Red River Rivalry. But now, thanks to those crooks at the Texas State Fair, our dream is dead for another decade.

What a sight it would have been! Pillars of chicken fried meatloaf rising from the ground to provide the backbone of this stunning venue. Bleachers loving constructed from fried macaroni and cheese. And the field! Oh, the field. Lovingly manicured and verdant turf. Deep. Fried.

Fans would have poured in from all over the country. Sure, they'd come to see a rivalry of the highest quality. But they'd also get to consume the entire stadium. And that's green! We just wanted to save our planet and serve up tasty architecture.

Hope you're happy, Big Tex. In our version, you'd have been made of pork, and that fire would smell DELICIOUS.