THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL NEEDS YOU TO PLAY MORE QUIETLY

The thing about the first round of the NFL Draft is oh my god it takes so long, and talking about it cogently is this bizarre exercise in soothsaying. "This player will either wind up in the Hall of Fame, wash out of football in two years, or something in between." There. That's your analysis for every selection.

So yeah, we're kind of tired and would appreciate it if you could just watch cartoons without turning the volume up too loud and make yourself some cereal and we'll be along eventually. Go check out the new S&P+ numbers and debate - again, quietly - the big risers and fallers. You feeling ok, West Virginia? How's that mid-teens spot treating you, Oklahoma? Oh, hey there, sub-TCU Michigan!

Close the door now. No, I'm serious. If you do this, maybe we'll take you to play putt-putt tomorrow. And Jane will be along in the afternoon.