THE EDSBS BOWL 2014: CHARITY IN THE NAME OF SPITE

Every year, we here at EDSBS like to do what we do best in the name of charity: killing time by channeling your irrational hatred of another football team into something positive. That positive is the the act of charity, and that particular charity is Refugee Resettlement and Immigration Services of Atlanta.

WHY REFUGEES?

Well, mostly because prior to this internet game we used to work in the field of refugee resettlement. We worked badly in the field of refugee resettlement, which is one of the reasons we do this instead of actual work for a living, but that's beside the point.

The point is that thousands of those uprooted by conflict and the cruel whims of global politics come to our shores every year, often with little more than the clothes on their backs and a few foreign diplomas in hand if they're lucky. They receive very little in the way of assistance to begin with, and in most cases after three months or so are on their own in a strange country with little but their work and will to survive to support them.

That's where an agency like RRISA comes in. The donations we ask for will support RRISA's broad array of programs; moving families into their new homes, helping them to find work and develop job skills, and education programs for the children of refugees who often end up in American high schools a few weeks after living in refugee camps. Check their website for bonafides, financials, and other reassuring things about their work. They are fantastic, and do the work we never had the patience, heart, or skill to do.

WHERE DO I DONATE?

The RRISA Donations page is here. They have handy suggestions for amounts, but you are encouraged to donate money in the format of the score of your favorite rivalry game victory, and then note the school in the helpful dropdown menu. No, Georgia Southern is not in there, but you could add it if you want to REMIND US WHAT AN UTTER FAILSCAPE FLORIDA FOOTBALL HAS BECOME. And you will.

HASHTAG?

#EDSBSBOWL14 for Twitter and such.

WHAT'S IN THIS FOR ME?

Well, we ate cheese last year, so you can't make us do anything worse on a dare. The initial prize is this: whatever school wins gets the full road trip treatment from us no matter the winning total. Given Michigan's long streak of victories, this probably means a trip to Ann Arbor and the long-awaited trip to go to Zingerman's, pronounce it overrated, and then receive the beating of our lives from the hands of outraged Michiganders. Whatever: winner gets the full road trip anyway, even with the anticipated beatings.

The second incentive is up to you. The mob decided cheese-eating was the kicker last year, so you'll have to think of something new, horrible, and innovative for us to do if you raise the total of THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS. That's right: for the simple total of THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, we will do the collective will of the EDSBS commentariat and honored guests. It's just that easy.

ANYTHING ELSE?

The top donor for the day gets us to say a totally flattering lie about their school on Vine. Are you a disgruntled Texas alum who wants us to say Mack Brown was an amazing developer of talent? A Georgia grad who wants us to debase ourselves further by doing the ARP ARP ARP cheer on camera? Done, done, and done for the low price of ONE MASSIVE DONATION. You all just got tax refunds. Use them to fuel our humiliation.

DO WE GET UPDATES?

At the end and beginning of every day this week.

WHEN DOES THIS END?

The fundraiser goes through the week and closes at midnight this Sunday. You wanna donate through the weekend, you go right ahead.

MICHIGAN'S WON THIS THING LIKE EIGHT THOUSAND YEARS RUNNING, RIGHT?

Yes. But remember that a long losing streak never dissuaded a Michigan Man, and neither should it discourage you.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Thanks in advance. Let's get the author to do something painful in the name of a good cause, and seriously: thank you. Donate here. Donate here. Donate here.