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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL: ALTERNATE UNIVERSE UCONN FAN IS A CHAMPION

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BOLD SCIENCE NEWS

Ronald Martinez

Scientists at the University of California--Berkeley announced the discovery of an alternate universe where UConn and Kentucky are both important sports teams, play for championships, and are considered dominant, important forces on the field of play.

"It's real, it's stranger than anything we could have imagined, and it's verified with science," said Piotr Randov, head of the Berkeley-Finereich Lab for Quantum Research.

The research comes on the heels of another major discovery by quantum scientists: the existence of gravity waves resulting directly from the Big Bang. Unlike the advanced equipment required to capture that evidence, the discovery of alternate realities required what most scientists would consider primitive equipment.

"The images, confirmed as real with telemetry and a call to our local cable provider, simply came over the airwaves in HD. This wasn't even, like, basic cable. Anyone could watch it, and confirm for themselves."

Such alternate realities, posits Randov and his fellow researchers, need not be as dramatic or strange as a championship sports event involving Kentucky and UConn.

"The differences between the world we know and that of an alternate reality may be as drastic as those we have found here. They could be simple. We have heard evidence of an Alabama football team in the past losing not only a game, but many games in a single season. With the use of fairly simple technologies, we can further confirm the existence of universes like this, or even one where Florida football produces points not resulting from field goals."

Randov's next step will be confirming his controversial Nantz Constant, which posits that in all possible universes Jim Nantz is both invisible and visible simultaneously, and smells of fresh linen and copy paper.