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THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL ASKS SOME QUESTIONS

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IT'S FRIDAY SO LET'S THROW OUR HANDS IN THE AIR AS IF WE ONLY CARE A LITTLE.

Footballllllll.
Footballllllll.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

BEST NAME EVER? BEST NAME EVER. I will ride and/or die with any QB named Rakeem Cato, partly because I have a strong "when in doubt, go with the dude named Rakeem" policy, also because Marshall's 2014 schedule is the slightly garlicky hummus on top of a delicious chicken shawarma sandwich of easy schedules.

SPRING GAMES BEGIN THIS WEEKEND, AND MAN, DOES YOUR FAVORITE TEAM LOOK GOOD. Last year they looked a little tentative, but this year, boy, watch out. With their offensive prowess and attention to detail on defense, your favorite team will surely exceed all expectations and will clearly be the dark horse favorite to win whatever it is you'd most like to win, and it's all because of you.

In less entertaining news: oh good.

I feel like a list of the top 10 offensive coaches should include any coach who says his players are "warriors" in a "battle". You're not Eisenhower, dudes.

Your fearless leader appears to be at the Hagia Sophia, built by Emperor Justinian between 532 and 537. We should really bring back the name Justinian. A running back named Justinian Holdsclaw goes for 1,200 yards a season and 6 yards per carry before he even gets out of bed.