THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL FILES FOR A PATENT

The NFL, America's most innovative think tank, is considering a rule change which would move extra point attempts from the two yard line to the 25. The (supposed) logic behind this move would be as follows:

- Extra points are too easy and therefore boring under the current rules
- Wouldn't it be more fun if more games were fundamentally altered by the kicker
- Also please ignore that a 40 yard field goal would still be worth three times as many points
- Shit this is gonna get so many kickers stabbed

It's a lazy solution to a problem that is likely exaggerated, if not made up entirely. (Ask San Diego State how much fun and excitement the six extra points they missed last year added.) That means it's up to college football to take the lead and show the NFL a better solution, which the NFL can wait five years to adopt and then pretend like it was their idea all along.

We have that solution, which we've dubbed "The Doink-A-Point."

1. Extra points can be attempted from any distance on the field. This is purely a matter of kicker preference and comfort; if you want to set up to kick from the 14 yard line, go right ahead. You'll see why that comes into play in the next rule.

2. An extra point is only awarded if you hit the crossbar or the uprights. That's right. It's a sniper's game now. No more kicking through an area the size of a U-Haul. Precision is all that matters. The kick need not be a direct hit, however; if it glances off, even on the outside of the uprights or the underside of the crossbar, it counts. Finally, a useful purpose for instant replay!

3. The kicking team gets one point for each time the ball hits a portion of the crossbar or uprights. And here is the madness. If you can manage to get the triple-doink, you've just scored three points. There is no upper limit to this rule, because we want to see the day when Florida State loses to Miami on an extra point that bounces around the corner of the goalpost six times. And in the unlikely event you manage to kick the ball such that it's wedged in the joint where the crossbar and upright meet?

Automatic victory.